This week at Valley Press, #89: 'Grafters'

Dear readers,

Jamie here! We had a great response to Wendy's newsletter two weeks ago (this is a fortnightly bulletin now, remember), and in fact even Mrs McGarry – when pushed – was forced to admit it was a small improvement on the usual communications. That being said, I'm not ready to disappear behind the gates of my chocolate factory just yet, so you can still expect to hear from me occasionally throughout 2018.

I've re-taken the wheel today as I wanted to describe my excitement at hearing Norah Hanson's poem 'Grafters' (from Sparks) on Radio 4's 'Poetry Please' last Sunday. It was chosen by a new-ish friend of ours, Hollie McNish, and you can hear Hollie read the poem, with an introductory discussion, on the iPlayer here. Jump to 5 mins 45 secs to just hear Norah's part (but if you do, you'll miss Seamus Heaney's 'Digging', among other treats).

Hollie's introduction pretty much hits the nail on the head as to why Norah's poetry is important (the first reason: it's great, but there are others given too). That poem is beautiful, and Norah did a great version of it for the Sparks audiobook, which I've uploaded here (or grab the whole audiobook here if you feel inclined, only £3.40). For once though, it wasn't the words or the performance that had me watery-eyed when I listened ... bear with me while I give you a bit of back-story.

There are a very small group of older poets, published in the first years of Valley Press, who took a chance on me when I had almost no idea what I was doing – in my first year of full-time publishing, for example, I was more-or-less running around like a headless chicken. I should have been laughed out of the industry, but instead these authors were patient, let me make mistakes, and gave me the benefit of the doubt. (Hopefully, decent-looking books were their reward!)

Without them, there would be no Valley Press today, and it's a concrete fact that without publishing Love Letters & Children's Drawings (Norah's first collection) in November 2011, VP wouldn't have made it past that Christmas. Because of this history, to hear Norah's poetry make it onto national radio, with McGough, Heaney, McNish et al (even though it only amounts to a minute of airtime) is genuinely one of the top ten moments of my career so far. Here's hoping it brings her a whole new readership. Tell your friends!

* * *

The other big excitement this week was the announcement that Antony Dunn's Take This One to Bed has been selected for New Writing North's tenth annual 'Read Regional' campaign. This means a large-scale stocking-up of the book by libraries in the north of England, a series of events in the region, and Antony writing a new introduction to the book, which you can read here (a great bit of writing in itself). A list of the events can also be found on that link, which includes visits to Hartlepool, Morpeth, Darlington, Newcastle, Leeds, Stockport, Bradford and Hull. A great time to catch this poet in action!

There was also a new episode of 'The Friday Morning Meeting', which (as you'll hopefully recall) is a publishing podcast I've been recording with Emma Wright from the Emma Press. You can hear the new show here, find the whole archive here, and in theory you can now 'subscribe' to the podcast via iTunes here (do let me know if that works). We're becoming quite proud of these programmes, I don't mind telling you – and the EP team are also proud of their new Anthology of Love, which looks absolutely fantastic, and features a handful of VP poets to boot. I've ordered my copy! It's definitely the best book published since our last newsletter (especially with our 'hairy' book, which I unwisely teased at the start of the year, still in production).

On that note, it's back to work now for me and the rest of the team. The submissions backlog is now down to 87 (from 296 when I originally paused subs), so great progress made there... we'll soon be able to open our doors again to new work (keep writing!) Wendy will be writing to you again in a couple of weeks' time, when our first graphic novel is expected to arrive on the shelves – so as ever, watch this space.

All best,
Jamie McGarry, VP Publisher

This week at Valley Press, #75: 'Year Ten'

Dear readers,

Valley Press is now nine years old; October is the start of our tenth year of publishing in Scarborough. When I registered with the Nielsen ISBN agency as an 'official' publisher (on a paper form!), I had to say when my first books were coming out: I just put 'October 2008', which they then noted in their system as 1st October 2008. I can't remember if I had the books by then or not, but that's the only confirmed date I've got from that era – so that's our official birthday.

The first two books were out of print by the end of that year; good luck finding them anywhere now! They were both written by me, a novel from my late teens and a collection of semi-respectable poems. I went on to self-publish two more books of poetry under the Valley Press name, but realised when going 'professional' in 2011 that it might be a bit of a faux pas have myself on the roster... so those early books were swiftly dropped. Tenebrae, by Nigel Gerrans, is the earliest VP title still for sale; that dates from October 2009.

Since going into publishing full-time, I haven't written a single word of 'creative writing', though my book about snails was resurrected (pun intended) by The Emma Press in 2014. There's some news on that front, however; I've decided to celebrate VP's tenth birthday (next October) by writing a company memoir, and have made a decent start already. So far it reads like a really long, rambling, nostalgic newsletter – if you've enjoyed these last three paragraphs, you'll like that book when it appears. Watch this space.

While we're looking back (and speaking of The Emma Press), here's a great photo of myself and Emma from last week's 'Free Verse' Poetry Book Fair:

We have done a lot of book stalls together over the years; so being in a nostalgic mood, I searched my computer just now to find a classic snap with a similar pose. This is the closest I could get, from a time when Emma only had two books of her own; hard to believe when you see what her stall looks like now! (Also hard to believe: I used to wear a suit to book fairs?)

That's from mid-2013, judging by the books on display. The latest plan for Emma/Valley harmony, adding to our ongoing joint blog, is for us to host a fortnightly podcast discussing 'how to make books, a living, and a difference' – it's still in the early stages, but I find announcing plans publicly makes them more likely to happen. (That's also why I mentioned the book I'm writing, above.) Again, look out for that!

One genre of writing I didn't abandon was the 'informative article', and I've done another one this week, with advice for aspiring small press publishers on how to price and discount their books. If you'd rather just read books, and not see how the sausages are made, you might like to give it a miss – but otherwise, you can find it here.

One final bit of entertainment for you this week: John Wedgwood Clarke appeared on BBC Radio 4's Today programme on Thursday, discussing his latest poetry collection Landfill. You can listen on iPlayer here if you missed it on the day; jump to 1 hour 41 minutes (and 40 seconds) in to catch the exact start. It's another great opportunity to hear the thinking behind Landfill; they even get the boss of our local tip on the phone, to get his view on John's year spent visiting and observing the mechanisms of waste.

I'm not going to lie to you: it's still a thrill to hear one of our books discussed on Radio 4 (for the third time, that I know of). If you'd told me back in 2008, when I filled in my ISBN registration form, that a hundred books would follow – and the 101st would get discussed on Today, just after the papers – I'd have thought you were absolutely bonkers. But here we are! Thanks for reading, as ever, and I'll see you next week.

All best,
Jamie McGarry, VP Publisher

This week at Valley Press, #58: 'Madame B.'

Dear readers,

Jamie here – I'm back, nursing an election coverage hangover after staying up far too late last night. For those outside the UK (or those who get their current events fix solely from this newsletter): it was a draw, pretty much. The winners felt like they lost, the runners-up felt like they won, and the rest don't know what to think...

Once again the split of public opinion was pretty much even, reminding us that, to some extent, this is a world divided into two halves. But everyone is welcome at Valley Press; so long as you agree that the world would be a better place with a few more books in it.

* * *

Talking of which: due to an endless stream of lively newsletters, I don't think anyone has noticed that VP hasn't released a new title in the past six months. Sparks appeared in December, and Mountain Stories will be officially released in early July, along with the long-awaited Today the Birds Will Sing – meanwhile, not so much as a slim pamphlet has left these hallowed halls.

So what have we been up to? You might call it 'restructuring'. After running myself into the ground finishing our 2016 programme, working from home as a new dad, I took some time in the new year to consider the future of Valley Press... even going so far as to plan it out on the back of an A4 envelope. New systems, new approaches, a new(ish) website, a new office, and most importantly new staff were called for; the goal being to create an infrastructure that could support the publication of 30 titles each year.

With a mixture of confidence and nerves, I can report that's now in place. A quick look at the about page (right-hand column, or at the bottom if you're on your phone) will give you a brief introduction to the team now assembled at VP. I'm hoping at some point, each of them will write a newsletter introducing themselves and explaining what they do – and of course you'll be hearing from a few more interns too, during the summer.

Our new publishing schedule will start in the autumn: three new titles in September, October and November, then two quiet months, then three a month from February 2018. You'll hear about them all here; you could even be the author of one. So stay tuned!

* * *

I'd like to end this week's bulletin by announcing a third title for July 2017 (now we're back up to speed). It's the second VP publication from New-York-born, Edinburgh-based novelist Nora Chassler; her first was the unforgettable Grandmother Divided by Monkey Equals Outer Space, which William Boyd said 'broke all moulds' in a Guardian review.

He's going to need a stronger turn of phrase for this new book. Madame Bildungsroman's Optimistic Worldview is billed as a collection of ‘fragments, pensées and table-talk’, which I've translated as 'flash-fiction and micro-essays' for the sales catalogue (to give less imaginative buyers a fighting chance). The titular heroine is a full-size papier-mâché mannequin who sits at Nora's kitchen table, listening to these jumbled thoughts and very occasionally speaking back... It's a truly mind-expanding experience; but also very funny, and full of great bits of wisdom, like this:

"When we were young there were more boxes and crates with FRAGILE stickers on them; giant video cameras packed tight in grey foam, synthesizers in wooden trunks. You could sit on them on the corner or the subway platform. Am I alone in not wanting everything shrunk as small as possible? Where is everything?"

And this, an affectionate dig at my profession:

"The things publishers look for are not inside books."

The best way to get to grips with this particular book is to read it; so with that in mind, I've laid on an extract for you here. The cover design, as teased in the header image above, can be seen in full here, and is explained in the book (sort of).

A final note: I'm trying the 'limited edition hardback' idea again with this one. For twice the price of the paperback, you can have a hardback, signed and numbered by the author – tempting, I hope? There are still a few left from last time, if you're into that sort of thing, and the poetry of Antony Dunn.

That's all for this week; enjoy the extract if you find the spare 10 mins, and be kind to each other (until the next election anyway!)

All best,
Jamie McGarry, VP Publisher

This week at Valley Press, #44: 'Putting in the hours'

Dear readers,

A lot of small steps forward this week – but maybe that's the best way to get somewhere? I remember, from a little book of Chinese philosophy: 'the journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step'. (Valley Press will embark on its own Chinese journey this year; but that's a subject for another newsletter.)

I'm also reminded of the '10,000 hours' theory, which was all the rage when I registered as self-employed, back in January 2011. Gladwell wrote that 10,000 hours of deliberate practice would make you a world-class expert in any skill, so I did a calculation of how long I would need to stick with my new career in publishing before I had it all sussed out. If I worked to a standard full-time schedule, I could have it wrapped up by March 2017...

Sadly, the theory has now been mostly disproved, even without my own example (which may be the final nail in the coffin). I logged into some new software this week, designed to streamline data at a publishing house, and found 98% of the services it offered were a complete mystery to me. So I'm still not a world-class expert – maybe in another 10,000? – but you could argue that the Valley Press that exists today was built from those hours, one hour at a time. Or, to borrow another bit of philosophy, Grimm interpreted by Steven Moffat: 'that's a hell of a bird'.

* * * * 

So what were this week's 'small steps'? One of them was registering the company 'Valley Press Ltd.', which is the beginning of a new chapter for us (and a ton of admin); though it won't make much difference to the day-to-day running of things. Another was sending out page proofs for our Yorkshire Anthology to the contributors – I hope you all enjoyed having a sneak preview! I was stunned to see that within 24 hours, 43 of the 66 contributors had already got back to me with feedback; who says poets aren't organised?

Elsewhere, myself and the 'digital reading team' made it through a few more manuscripts submitted in 2016. I've found this process so helpful, it's the best idea I've had in months; the volunteers have been phenomenal, tackling each manuscript faster and with more insight than I could possibly have imagined. Next time we take submissions (which I'm hoping will be in April), I'm going to formalise this pseudo-committee and arrange some sort of reward for them. They deserve it!

What else? I took on another new team member; Martha Sprackland, formerly of Cake magazine and Faber & Faber, will be editing a series of poetry manuscripts for us in the coming months – you'll see the first fruits of her labour in September. I also quietly changed our 'FAQ' section to indicate we are now considering applications for internships, for the first time since 2013. People must have been watching that like a hawk, I've already had ten CVs! (It's tough to get publishing experience in this part of the world; I always wanted to offer regular internships, but haven't had the time or facilities in recent years.)

On top of all this, I did an interview for the excellent blog 'Book and Brew', which you can read here. As usual, it's pretty frank stuff; I always end up saying far more than I intend to when I do interviews. I think possibly I confuse it for therapy...? Anyway, enjoy that, if you fancy a bit more of my waffle this week; otherwise, see you next Sunday.

All best,
Jamie McGarry, VP Publisher

This week at Valley Press, #35: 'By request'

Dear readers,

Unusually, this week I've found myself beset with suggestions on what to talk about in the newsletter. I've had requests to discuss the political elephant in the room (who packed and left for the circus, etc), the war poets (as it's Remembrance Sunday here in the UK), baby George (of course!), Antony's first launch (more appropriate), where the hardbacks are, what books are still to come this year, and – as we make a last promotional push for this year's submissions process – why we made you fill in the now-infamous paper forms.

Guess what? I've decided I actually will touch on everything above; this is one time when all the people can have what they want! So let's get started.
 

* * * * *

I've always been determined to keep politics and Valley Press separate; I want VP to be a place where every single person can come together to be creative, enjoy the fruits of other people's creativity, and maybe learn something – no matter what their opinions or values. If 2016 has taught me anything, it's that this bitterly divided world really needs places like that (metaphorical or otherwise), and I need to keep it up.

This has led to me holding (and indeed biting) my tongue on the issues of the day for a good five years or so, to the point where I apparently seem totally disengaged. I'm okay with that! But just once, here are some opinions of mine (that shouldn't be too controversial or surprising):

1. I think our society has a deeply flawed attitude to/understanding of money and work.
2. I think this is both a cause and and effect of our education system, which I've seen from many sides and appears to also be profoundly flawed.
3. Because of points 1 and 2, but worsened in this century by accelerating technological changes (think, automation), it is getting easier for people with money to make money, and harder for everyone else.
4. 'Everyone else' is therefore frustrated, to put it incredibly mildly. (I am too, but I have a cushy life and a new son to take my mind off things – I also have no idea how to change points 1, 2 or 3.)
5. Some people thought Brexit and Trump would shake up this status quo, so voted for them. No-one knows what the future holds, right now; could be bad, could be good, but it's coming either way. We'll find out together.

 

* * * * *

Antony's Leeds launch was a success, of course, boosted by a great introduction from Faber and Faber's poetry editor Matthew Hollis (spot him in the header image; and James Nash, Peter Spafford and Matthew Hedley Stoppard if you're feeling ambitious). He reminded us of 'the Dymock poets', a group that assembled in the years before WW1 and was dismantled by it (that's your war poets mention); and went on to describe a trip he and Antony took to the village of Dymock, walking the paths walked by Edward Thomas and Robert Frost. Matthew described being there in the exact moments poems about this experience were written; readers of Antony's new collection can enjoy these from page 35.

More prosaically, Matthew also mentioned doing an event with Simon Armitage recently, who apparently leaned over and whispered: 'Antony Dunn is a good poet'. We'll take that as a review!

The night was only slightly dampened (for me) by the absence of our luxury Antony Dunn hardbacks, which I'm still waiting to actually see. The six-week saga of these missing books, which began with me telling the printer 'they must be ready by the 10th November', is worth a lengthy essay one day (which will make you laugh or cry), but for now I'll say the last straw, the ultimate delay, was due to 'the glue not being dry'. Oh, I also had to send them the front cover illustration three times – and eventually say, almost shouting: 'I don't know how else to put this across. The fish goes at the front in the middle.'
 

* * * * *

Let's calm things down (briefly) by looking at baby George, now seven weeks old:

Despite me being almost as tired as George looks, there are still three books coming from Valley Press this year – according to the spreadsheet anyway. I'm confident you'll see two, at least; the third, being the most complicated book I've ever tried to put together, is somewhat unpredictable (but completely worth it). I can't really tell you about any of them today, but keep an eye on the next two newsletters for details.

That leaves me with only one last issue to mention: why did we make you fill in paper forms to submit your work this year? We've always done paper submissions, mainly as I like to discuss them with real people in a real room, and don't like paying for printer ink; but the form was a new invention for 2016 – and funded by the Arts Council. You could (and still can) get them by buying a book from our site, or attending an event (such as Antony's next launch reading, at York's Friargate Theatre this Friday, 18th, from 7pm.)

This policy has led to hundreds of emails during the year from prospective authors grumbling furiously, most of which have been valiantly dealt with by Laura. They don't like jumping through hoops, which is fair enough; but my thinking was, if you've made your way to our website, you're either a convert to the Valley Press cause (in which case buying a book will be a natural next step), or you don't like the look of us, in which case you won't be wanting to submit your precious work. It makes sense!

The reason the form exists in the first place is actually to reach the general public: people who'd never dream, in a million years, of searching online for 'publishers welcoming unsolicited submissions'. That's why it says on the front of the form, 'have you got a book in you?', instead of something mundane and typical like 'The Valley Press Writing Prize, 2016, Entry Form'. I've been spreading the forms as far as I can all year: supermarkets, cinemas, theatres, hospital waiting rooms, and even if they touch just one person who didn't previously think they could be published, and get them to pick up a pen and write something for us, the whole thing has been a success.

That brings us back to politics: we can't just talk to 'our own kind' any more, can't get stuck in bubbles of common beliefs and interests if we're going to fix the world's problems. That's my last point today – hopefully I can go back to holding my tongue for five years!

Thanks for reading, as ever; see you next week.

All best,
Jamie McGarry, VP Publisher

This week at Valley Press: A very special edition

Dear readers,

In a change from your scheduled newsletter...

This morning we welcomed George McGarry into the world – that's him in the middle there! Mother and baby are doing absolutely fine (and daddy); George is being so well-behaved, we're going to make the most of that while it lasts...

Hopefully Jamie will make it back to the laptop next Sunday to tell you about that extra-long book he mentioned last week (it's already printed, thank goodness!) In the meantime, thanks for all your support – we'll see you soon.

All best,
Jamie & Laura

Summer update from Valley Press

Dear readers,

We've had our fair share of joy and sadness at Valley Press since the last newsletter. I'll attempt to bring you up to date below - starting with our latest book, which needs to be put in some historical context...

When I met Nigel Gerrans in 2009, he had been writing poetry for 70 years, and I had just taken my first tentative steps into publishing - bringing out two books by myself with the words 'Valley Press' on them (to add a hint of professionalism). It was whilst talking to Nigel that I realised publishing other people might be an interesting and rewarding pursuit. Later that year I published his collection Tenebrae, and a couple of weeks ago I was delighted to re-publish those poems, with many others, in a new volume - It Is I Who Speak: Selected Poems.

Edited by the poet's long-time friend and collaborator Felix Hodcroft, this new publication collects the very best of Nigel's work across the decades; including some poems never seen anywhere else before, dug out of the archive and pieced together from various drafts and typescripts. It's been a real labour of love for all involved; a volume which we hope will be read and enjoyed for decades to come. Find out more and read a sample here.

Onto other news now, and there was a flurry of excitement at VP HQ last weekend, when our March novel Grandmother Divided by Monkey Equals Outer Space was recommended by William Boyd as a 'summer read' for 2015 in The Guardian. In case you can't quite make it out from the image, he said the following:

“Nora Chassler’s extraordinary Grandmother Divided by Monkey Equals Outer Space breaks all moulds. Set in 1980s New York, it is a triumphant vindication of the edgy, eccentric demotic as a compelling narrative voice.”

Not bad eh? Thanks to VP poet Mike Di Placido for supplying me with a copy of the paper, running home to get it after encountering me in the Post Office queue - whilst simultaneously purchasing and cooking some garlic bread. (I expect that's how Bloomsbury's press department handled this item too.)

The next thing I should mention is the reading group I organised via the last newsletter, which turned out to be a great idea; very useful indeed. The volunteers seemed to enjoy it - a little too much, even, as they were very nearly locked in Woodend overnight! I'll run another one at the end of the year, and allow a full day for the group to work through the envelopes and make its recommendations. Unless everyone pictured above wants to come back again (there are only five seats!) I'll need some new volunteers, so keep an eye out for that.

So, you may ask, what does this mean re: submissions? As of 6:57pm last night, I have settled the Valley Press publishing schedule for spring 2016 (in pencil - but a thick, black pencil that is hard to rub out). What this means is, if you submitted during our window that ended in June, and I haven't expressly emailed you by now saying you're in, you didn't make it.

I still plan to write to all the submitters individually, but as that's going to take several weeks, I thought a general announcement here would be helpful and not considered too rude. Huge thanks to everyone who sent their work in, it was by far the strongest six months of submissions we've ever received - absolutely top notch. I've been turning down bona fide TV stars, writers of bestsellers, people whose last four books were published by Random House ... it's beyond belief, really.

All of the above made me stop and think what a long way Valley Press has come, since the humblest of origins in 2008; and how it couldn't have happened without all the people who have helped out along the way. My week became a lot more poignant yesterday when I heard that Jenny Drewery - a lynch-pin of the Scarborough cultural scene, and the best proofreader ever to pick up a red pen - had passed away. Jenny worked frequently with Valley Press; if you've read pretty much anything we published between 2012 and 2014 you will have benefited from Jenny's invisible and meticulous work. She was also a wonderfully warm and encouraging personality, and will be much missed. Her friends and family have set up a page here where people can donate in her memory; I'd be delighted if any newsletter readers wanted to contribute.

There are just a couple more things I must mention in this newsletter (ridiculously long as it has already become): you have until 3pm on Wednesday 22nd July to listen to the radio version of Humfrey Coningsby on BBC iPlayer, which you can do here - well worth 45 minutes of anyone's time. Also, for the first time in four years I am doing a 'solo gig', in Covent Garden on Monday 20th July (this Monday!); all details available via The Emma Press. (N.B. I'm also reading at the event listed on Tuesday, and would love it if any VP fans dropped in.)

I think that's everything for now - thanks for reading, as ever, and look out for more news very soon.

All the best,
Jamie McGarry (VP Publisher)

Valley Press Friday Digest, #18 (Sunday edition)

Despite appearances, this blog is not just here as a source of one-way Valley Press propaganda - I do occasionally drop in some hints of the larger struggle, and of course you can tell how things are really going by reading between the lines. If the post appears on Friday (as billed), full of good news, that's because I've had a good and relatively easy week; if it appears on Saturday, with very little substance to it, it's been an overly busy and boring week. This post is going up on Sunday afternoon, and was, at one point, full of hand-wringing and woe-is-me rhetoric. It has been a difficult week.

That being said, there have been a couple of bits of good news - one I've agreed not to tell you about, and the other you have probably already heard: the arrival of the new Dead Snail Diaries from The Emma Press. She's done a spectacular job, as hoped; the physical object is a beautiful and intriguing bit of work, and definitely worth £8.50 of your money. Huge thanks are due to Emma and Rachel for their top-notch efforts on both art and text.

I took a few minutes on Friday, when the books arrived, to think how I had suddenly attained the status of 'legitimately published author' - to consider what a strange road it has been from writing the snail poems in 2009 to their appearance in this new volume, and try to imagine how pleased 2009-era Jamie would have been to see it.

I've not perhaps been able to appreciate it as much as I should, as the rest of the week has been such a horror - blighted with all sorts, including illness and a lack of phone signal/internet connection. This whole month has been one I'd like to erase from history, or perhaps go back to the 1st August and have another go at; I have, quite simply, achieved nothing. But it is unquestionably over now; tomorrow is September, and we've got the Poetry Book Fair to look forward to on the 6th. Onwards and upwards!

POEM CLUB #10: 'A Love Poem: From Snail to Slug' by Jamie McGarry

Jamie McGarry

Things are getting busier and busier at the Emma Press as we gear up for the next few months of releases and events, so I think this will be the last of the (mostly) weekly Poem Clubs. I'd like to write some more pieces about the inner workings of the Emma Press and I don't want to crowd this blog, so Poem Club will become more of a semi-regular feature, brought out when you least expect it!

What could be more fitting for the last in this series of Poem Club than a poem by my fellow twenty-something self-employed publisher, Jamie McGarry? I acquired his book of snail poems, The Dead Snail Diaries, for the Emma Press quite soon after meeting Jamie last summer, so it's very exciting that it's finally out. As with previous editions of Poem Club, I'll post the poem below along with some of my own thoughts to start things off.

* * *

A Love Poem: From Snail to Slug

God made us brown so we’d be hard
to spot upon his fertile soil;
to hide from the birds (which he made as well),
to cower, dodge, to postpone hell.

But slug does not hide, or flinch back.
His coat? Uncompromising BLACK.
He turns defence into attack.
Oh slug – oh glorious slug.

God gave us shells to weigh us down.
Without them, we would HURTLE round,
so common sense suggests. Who’d beat us,
across a distance of ten metres?

But slug, dear slug, you have the grace
to not rub freedom in our face;
you slow your stride to match our pace.
Oh slug – oh glorious slug.

God made us quiet, thoughtful, wait.
He taught us manners, and restraint.
He taught us not to stay out late,
we’re model garden citizens.

But slug, he DEAFENS when he speaks!
He goes out seven nights a week!
Beer-swilling, hard-living, party beast.
Oh slug – oh glorious slug.

I’d sell my soul to be like him.
Vacate my shell, and dye my skin.
I’d go twice weekly to the gym,
if doing so would let me in

to doors in town that say ‘slugs only’.
But slug accepts no fake, no phony.
I’ll love, but I will never be
a slug – oh glorious slug.

— by Jamie McGarry, from The Dead Snail Diaries

* * *

Emma's thoughts. This is adorable, right? I think this is an incredibly charming poem, and I especially love all the rhymes. The rhyme scheme is irregular but relentless, with rhymes firing off all over the shop in an irresistibly fun way. My personal favourites are the virtuoso 'Who'd beat us/ten metres' in the third stanza and the climactic barrage of solid monosyllabic rhymes in the penultimate stanza – 'him/skin/gym/in'. The rhymes and rhythms don't feel forced, and just beg to be read aloud (you can hear Jamie reading it here). I think this is the kind of poem that could convince someone that poetry is for them, and is worth investigating further.

Your thoughts. We had a lovely long comment from Sarah Parkinson, which I'll quote in full: 'We have a children's book at home which is about the different animals God has made, and which contains very similar meter and rhyme to this poem. 'God made the busy working ants...' etc. This poem for me evokes some of that childlike perspective on the world around us, exploring something that is innate and yet that we sadly so often lose in adulthood. The snail's longing to be something other than itself is given a plaintive cast elicited by the almost sing-song readability of the poetry. I find the pathos in it - that the snail is not content with its own identity - is also highlighted by the structure, and emphasised effectively by the occasional half-rhyme and loss of rhythm. A very touching and thought-provoking poem.'

* * *

The Dead Snail Diaries

What do you think of 'A Love Poem: From Snail to Slug'? Do you find it romantic? What's your favourite bit? Do you like the rhymes? Let me know in the comments section below. Don't be afraid of sounding stupid! Just let me know what you like about the poem or what it makes you feel. All comments will be held for moderation, so don't worry if it doesn't appear immediately after you send it.

<-- POEM CLUB #9: 'Bonfire' by Rachel Piercey